Q: How did the couple meet?
A: This arranged marriage was
brokered to improve diplomatic ties between the U.K. and the USA Network.
Q: Why is the wedding breaking
with tradition by being held on a Saturday?
A: Windsor Castle is
completely booked for the rest of the week by a dermatology conference.
Q: What did Meghan Markle have
to do to prepare for the wedding?
A: Be baptized and confirmed
into the same church that condoned multiple executions of royals’ wives in the
past.
Q: How many swans will be
slaughtered, boiled, and served to the guests?
A: 250.
Q: What will play for the
couple’s first dance?
A: As per tradition, the
newlyweds will dance to the sound of teacups clinking against saucers amidst a
tense silence.
Q: Will there be hats?
A: You bet your fucking ass
there’ll be hats.
Q: What gifts will the royal
couple receive?
A: In lieu of gifts, they have
asked guests to make a donation to the British East India Company or the Royal
African Company.
Q: Are we really still doing
this?
A: Yes.
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