WASHINGTON—Strutting into the
Capitol like she had some kind of electoral mandate, presumptuous congressional
freshman Debbie Mucarsel-Powell (D-FL) thought Thursday that she could just
come in and start representing her constituents.
“I’m sorry, big shot, but
that’s just not the way things work around here,” said House Majority Leader
Steny Hoyer, explaining that the Florida representative needed to spend at
least her first three terms memorizing obscure parliamentary procedures,
sucking up to party leaders, and groveling to corporate donors before she could
even consider drafting a law benefiting her home district.
“She can’t just waltz in here
with a list of demands from her constituents and do something about it. Christ,
the fucking gall, thinking she can just represent the beliefs and desires of
the people who elected her. She’s out there holding town halls and tweeting
about healthcare—who the hell does she think she is? Here’s some advice,
Debbie: Wait until you’re a cynical, shallow husk of yourself, and only then
will you be ready to properly govern. Otherwise, you keep your head down, you
vote for what we put in front of you, and you fundraise.”
Hoyer, who grew visibly
agitated, recommended that the novice lawmaker quit rabble-rousing and get back
to him when she’s 75 and a millionaire.
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