Hillary: ‘Better Prison Food’ Should Be America’s Top Priority

Sep 15, 2015

http://dailycurrant.com/2015/09/15/hillary-better-prison-food-should-be-americas-top-priority-2/

Hillary Clinton has developed a sudden appetite for reforming America's correctional system.

Amidst speculation that she herself could face jail time over the growing email scandal engulfing her candidacy, the former Secretary of State announced today a series of "vital and urgent" proposals to improve conditions in federal women's prisons.

"We can't wait until the next president is elected," she told an audience of supporters in Concord, New Hampshire this morning, "We need to make women's prison reform a priority right here, right now.

"Did you know that over 70,000 federal prisoners are raped every year? Did you know 98% of prison showers are unsanitary? Did you know that inmates are never allowed to use Blackberries, iPads and other internet-connected devices?

"As an American these statistics are deeply troubling. And we need decisive action on these issues soon - preferably in the next few months."

Clinton currently faces an FBI investigation to determine if she inappropriately stored classified State Department emails on her private email server. Although still leading most polls for the Democratic nomination for president, some insiders believe the scandal has the potential to derail her candidacy.

Many Republicans believe the scandal could end with the former First Lady doing jail time. These fears may have reached the candidate herself as today Hillary revealed her detailed plan to improve every aspect of prison life - and forcefully called for improvements in prison food.

"How can we expect prisoners to rehabilitate without giving them decent food and clothing?" she asked the crowd, "How expensive can it be to feed our inmates freshly prepared, organic food? And why can't we replace those ugly orange jumpsuits with something more stylish from Vera Wang or Stella McCartney?

"And would fair trade, single-origin coffee be too much to ask? How can inmates be expected to write their best-selling memoirs without good coffee?"

Netanyahu: ‘Palestinians Killed The Dinosaurs’

Oct 22, 2015

http://dailycurrant.com/2015/10/22/netanyahu-palestinians-killed-the-dinosaurs/

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu claimed today that Palestinians were responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs.

In an interview with CNN’s Anderson Cooper this morning, the hardline conservative leader was asked to defend his recent comments, in which he claimed Palestinians were responsible for the Holocaust.

“Well it wouldn’t be the first time they tried to drive a group to extinction,” Netanyahu told the network. “The Holocaust, the Armenian genocide, Rwanda. Even the end of the Dinosaurs.

Whenever a group is threatened with annihilation, you better believe the Palestinians are behind it.”

A puzzled Anderson Cooper pressed Netanyahu on his most outrageous claim, asking “I doubt Palestinians were involved in any of those things. But do you seriously believe they killed the Dinosaurs? Human beings didn’t even exist 65 million years ago. And most scientists believe the Dinosaurs were killed by an asteroid. I mean, how is that even possible?”

“Anderson I’m not saying the Palestinians actually hunted down each individual dinosaur to extinction,” Netanyahu replied, “Of course that didn’t happen. That’s ridiculous. That makes no sense at all.

“What I am saying is that Palestinian Hamas fighters traveled back in time to 65 million years ago and set off a large series of explosives that knocked the Earth off its orbit and straight into the path of an oncoming asteroid.

“This operation was intended to wipe out the Dinosaurs, so that humanity could rise and Islam could take over the planet. Reptiles don’t believe in God, Anderson. So if you want to create an Islamic Caliphate you have to get rid of the reptiles. That’s just logic 101.

“This was no laughing matter. It was a barbaric act that destroyed an entire civilization. Millions of innocent Dinosaur families perished as a result of Hamas’s disgusting actions. Women. Children. Even unborn eggs. All were burnt to a crisp when Islamic time travelers rammed Earth into that asteroid.

“And that’s why keeping nuclear weapons out of the hands of Muslims is so important. They’ve destroyed life on Earth before, so we know they’ll do it again.”

Benjamin Netanyahu has served as Israel's Prime Minister since 2009, after previously serving in the same post from 1996 to 1999. He was recently reelected in March.

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