Bank of America's Twitter Account Is One Really Really Dumb Robot

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http://gizmodo.com/bank-of-americas-twitter-account-is-one-really-really-713634226

It's always nice to get a response from Company X's official Twitter account when you rage tweet about how Company X is so terrible and awful and that you'd never do anything with them again. It seems like they care about you! It seems like they want to help! It seems like they're... human. Too bad they're usually just stupid robots like this Bank of America Twitter account.

It's a hilariously epic mistake by the official BofA Help Twitter account. When Twitter user @darthmarkh tweeted about how he was chased away by cops after drawing chalk in front of a New York City Bank of America that was pointing out how BofA was taking away people's homes, the BofA Help Twitter account decided to jump in and asked @darthmarkh if he needed help with his account... completely ignoring the fact that @darthmarkh was eviscerating Bank of America right in front of its face.

It gets worse for BofA though. When other people jumped into @darthmarkh's replies, they all get mentioned by the same BofA Help Twitter account with the same generic answers. It's completely embarrassing because NO ONE is actually asking for help, they're all just destroying Bank of America (with the ammo Bank of America is providing no less).

You'd think the robot behind these tweets would have better filters that would allow it to ignore people who don't have Bank of America bank accounts and are clearly making fun of Bank of America but NOPE. 

You'd think there might be some human oversight but NOPE. It's just large corporations making a fool of themselves on the Internet.

Here's the disastrous Tweet session by Bank of America. You can see the entire exchange here and the Tweet that started off this hilarious meth here. [eksith]

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Bank Of America Demonstrates How Not To Conduct Customer Service On Twitter

By Allison Stadd on July 9, 2013 5:00 PM

http://www.mediabistro.com/alltwitter/bank-of-america-twitter_b46078

In an embarrassing episode picked up by Gizmodo, Bank of America’s customer service Twitter account @BofA_Help made a downright fool of itself – demonstrating exactly how not to conduct customer relations on Twitter.

What Gizmodo calls a “hilariously epic mistake”on Bank of America’s part started off with this tweet from @darthmarkh:

[...]

The tweet referenced the @bankofamerica Twitter handle, but had nothing to do with anyone’s bank account. Rather, the context was a protest against Bank of America foreclosures.

Nonetheless, the BofA Help Twitter account, obviously attuned to a Twitter search for references of the bank, replied with the following tweet:

[...]

Then, when other tweeters chimed in to reply to the original tweet, @BofA_Help continued its automated “customer service,” inquiring if it could be of service when really the topic at hand had nothing to do with balance transfers, deposit slips, and the like.

Lesson for the Bank of America social media crew: you need to fine-tune your help account to filter out tweets like these so you don’t come across as lifeless and ignorant. The lack of human oversight on the bank’s part here is stunning – and should be a word to the wise!

You can read the full exchange on Twitter here.

First National Bank Announces: 'Suckers, We're Keeping All the Money'

http://www.theonion.com/articles/first-national-bank-announces-suckers-were-keeping,20442/

BOSTON—The First National Bank of Boston, the nation’s largest commercial bank, announced yesterday that it will no longer hold on to its customers’ money and instead keep it all for itself to use in any way it pleases. Bank officials cited the expense of several ambitious projects, including the construction of an immense corporate palace, as cause for the policy change.

“Possession is nine-tenths of the law, so it is with the law on our side that I say to all First National customers, you are shit out of luck,” CEO J. Ephraim Gunderloy said at a press conference.

Added Vice President of Sales and Marketing Theobald T. Worthington: “An internationally renowned financial giant like First National has far more important uses for this money than do our small-time accountholders, many of whom live paycheck to paycheck, occasionally withdrawing a few dollars to pay their rent or buy corn dogs.”

According to the bank’s statement, merely protecting the money of commoners was a short-sighted and unprofitable goal. The paltry interest earned on accounts and even on high-rate loans was nothing compared to the outright liquidation of all capital held in the bank.

“The numbers just made sense for us,” Worthington said. “We add up all of our fees and service charges and it still amounts to nothing in relation to the gross capital in the bank proper. I mean, this is a pretty big bank, and not to give away too much, but all told, we’ve got billions of dollars just sitting there for the taking.”

Customers’ money will now largely go to fund the construction of a new state-of-the-art First National headquarters, made entirely of ivory, bank spokespeople said. Precious stones will be set into the walls, and all light fixtures will be made of solid gold. Because of the building’s enormous size, officials hope to interconnect various departments with an elaborate system of canals and viaducts, each flowing with molten gold and cruised by luxurious onyx pleasure barges.

“Our executives will be distinguished by the height of the ostrich they ride,” Gunderloy said. “The taller the ostrich, the more significant the job title. My ostrich, for example, will measure eight feet, three and one-half inches, while Mr. Worthington’s will be only six feet, two and three-quarters.”

Junior executives, meanwhile, will have to content themselves with emus.

Other uses for the money include a First National corporate space shuttle, weekly bonfires of bills with bent corners, and 800 Faberge eggs for First National executives to throw at each other for no reason at all.

First National informed its customers of the change in their account status by enclosing a form letter in lieu of January account statements. The note read, “Due to a shift in corporate policy, we are keeping all money currently held at First National. Your First National account is officially closed. We have eliminated our customer service department, so, we will be unable to answer any questions about this change. Thank you for banking with us.”

Many accountholders expressed disappointment in having all their money taken by the bank.

“Not only is my retirement fund gone, but also my children’s college money,” First National customer Gerard Falstaff said. “Now I will have to sell at least two of my children into indentured servitude and will either have to start saving from scratch again or just kill myself. This is pretty disappointing.”

Bank of America knows its customer service is awful

Chief executive Brian Moynihan tells employees to be nicer, but it's the bank's proposed fees that consumers loathe.

By Jason Notte 

http://money.msn.com/now/post.aspx?post=793f12ae-b1bb-4cfd-ae66-bc23db18733e

When even the CEO thinks employees need to ease up on consumers, it's a pretty good sign a company's customer service could use some work.

Bank of America (BAC +2.33%) chief executive Brian Moynihan has sent a letter to nearly 270,000 employees telling them to make it easier for customers to do business with the bank, especially in light of its poor performance in customer satisfaction surveys. 

Moynihan's letter, which Reuters viewed a copy of, urges workers on the phones at customer call centers to use the same "problem-solving approach" as U.S. Trust and Bank of America's own Merrill Lynch representatives do with their well-off clientele.

As it stands, Bank of America customers feel like chattel compared to other banks' human assets. The latestAmerican Customer Satisfaction Index shows Bank of America's score sliding 3% from last year to 66, its poorest showing in a decade and well beneath the 79 scored by small banks and credit unions or even the 74 posted byJPMorgan Chase (JPM +1.45%).

"Customers increasingly are rejecting the ever-mounting fees charged by large banks and taking their business to credit unions instead," Claes Fornell, ACSI founder, said in a statement. "Bank of America, in particular, stands out as the only bank that is still below its pre-recession customer satisfaction level. It is clear that this is mostly because of fees."

Though Bank of America has had problems coordinating its banking and lending branches since acquiring troubled mortgage broker Countrywide in 2008, its customer relations nightmare began in earnest back in 2011 when it suggested a $5 monthly fee for debit card use. The Occupy movement seized on the ensuing customer anger to encourage the transfer of assets from Bank of America and other large banks to small banks and credit unions.

That didn't stop Bank of America from trying a fee hike again last year, with representatives from Massachusetts blowing the whistle on those plans to The Wall Street Journal in March. By November, plans to force customers toavoid fees by shunning tellers, maintaining minimum balances, getting Bank of America credit cards and holding mortgages with the bank were dead and Moynihan was in full retreat.

The bank's chief executive says his new customer service plan will roll out during a big company event on Thursday, but he's still in as tough a spot as ever. Profits were down 63% in the fourth quarter as $5 billion in mortgage-related charges dragged down Bank of America's numbers. Investors don't care much about low rates, federal regulations or the bank's mortgage mess -- which predates the Countrywide deal. Customers, meanwhile, have been adamant that investor profits shouldn't be paid for by the bank's low-income accountholders, who are disproportionately affected by new and rising fees.

Ukrainian Museum Director Destroys Critical Painting Ahead Of President’s Visit

http://art-leaks.org/2013/07/27/ukrainian-museum-director-destroys-critical-painting-ahead-of-presidents-visit/

Natalia Zabolotna’s primary job as director of the Mystetskyi Arsenal art museum in Kyiv was to oversee the pieces under her roof.

But on July 25, the night before a visit by President Viktor Yanukovych and the opening of an exhibit meant to celebrate Ukrainian heritage, she took a can of black paint and doused a piece that she deemed “immoral.”

A day later, the destruction of artist Volodymyr Kuznetsov’s “Koliivschina: Judgment Day” has prompted the resignation of the museum’s deputy, helped fuel a street protest, and triggered alarm within the country’s artistic community.

Speaking to RFE/RL’s Ukrainian Service, Kuznetsov expressed shock at the destruction of his piece.

“I had agreed to come on Thursday night (July 25) to finish the work. In the afternoon, I was not allowed to come inside,” he said. “At first, I did not know that my work had been painted over.”

The painting, a mural measuring 11 meters by 5 meters, showed a flaming nuclear reactor with priests and judges semi-submerged in a vat of red liquid. A car that appeared to be carrying officials was shown plunging into the vat — likely a reference to the numerous traffic accidents caused by officials in the country. A hodgepodge of other figures were grouped alongside, including what appeared to be the image of Iryna Krashkova, the woman who accused two police officers and a civilian of beating and raping her last month. Her case has prompted a wave of protests.

Zabolotna, who has since apologized for destroying the work, cited the nature of the exhibit in explaining her actions. “Great and Grand,” as the exhibit is called, opened to the public this week in commemoration of the 1,025th anniversary of the baptism of Kievan Rus, the medieval kingdom that laid the Orthodox foundation for modern-day Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine.

In comments printed in the publication “Left Bank,” Zabolotna said the exhibit “should inspire pride in the state.”

“You cannot criticize the homeland, just as you cannot criticize your mother. I feel that anything said against the homeland is immoral,” she added. Zabolotna also claimed that Kuznetsov had diverged in his work from the concept that was previously agreed upon.

The same explanation was cited by the Ukrainian Ministry of Culture, which denied any involvement in the incident. Some observers have suggested that Zabolotna was under pressure to get rid of the work ahead of Yanukovych’s visit. Others suggested that she may have feared the state would cut funding to the museum over the painting.

But Kuznetsov said the act was unforgivable.

“No one has the right to destroy somebody’s work, especially to do this without permission,” he said. 

“Perhaps there is a hierarchy at Arsenal and it is against such a hierarchy — state and religious — that my work is directed.”

Another artwork, “Molotov Cocktail” by Vasyl Tsygalov, was also reportedly removed from the exhibit ahead of its opening.

The controversy helped fuel a small protest that was held outside of the museum on July 26. Eight people were arrested for holding the unsanctioned rally against what they described as the mixing of church and state in Ukraine and official censorship.